Back up

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A freshly made mark on my forehead as a symbol of resurrection.

After two weeks stuck in depression once again, where I didn’t even feel like getting up from bed in the morning, I found the strength to get right back up, pull myself together and face the problem. I don’t think it’s completely over yet, but I can definitely say that I’m doing fine: I don’t feel extremely angry anymore, at least at the moment; I’m being able to push away bad thoughts and I’m slowly losing the bad habit of negativity.

In the last month, I’ve seen a change in me that almost feels unbelievable if I think of how rooted my problem is (dealing with a lifetime of humiliation is not an easy thing, it has his own significant weight and I am fully understanding it just now) and how much pain it caused me – a pain that not so long ago felt endless. But in spite of everything, I started to accept the love I have around and feel more confident about what I have, materially and spiritually talking, and finally convince myself that if God sends me something good it’s because I deserve it and it’s no mistake. Basically, I started to believe in myself more. It sounds banal, but in the end self love and acceptance are both the only problem and the only solution one can have. And as corny as it might sound, it works wonderful.

Letting go of negativity, accepting love, embracing myself.. gotta keep that in mind and never forget it.

regret

I’ve been spending the last few weeks getting rid of negativity and trying to embrace my real essence again. I realized it’s just like the Bible says: without love, we are absolutely nothing. And with this thought in my mind, I finally decided to kill all the voices in my head and finally listen only to the people around me who truly love me.

I’ve been doing wrong for so, so long that I cannot even put my thoughts into words anymore. I gave my everything to people who don’t even deserve a little bit of myself, and ended up giving a little to nothing to people who are truly worth it. Now that I finally see the light, I can’t forgive myself for that – I can only hope God will forgive me instead.